Not So Perfect
by LunaNotLoony
Summary: Often, Lily is portrayed in fanfiction as a complete Mary Sue, but she can be nasty too! No, she isn't a death eater, and she isn't evil, but when you hate someone who is totally obsessed by you, you can be not so nice... Series of oneshots.


"Evans..." James said.

"Oh, it's you," Lily said grumpily, turning a page.

"Lily," James said slowly. "I just want to say-."

"Oh bog off, I'm studying James," Lily said rudely.

"Lily, I'm so, so sorry," James cajoled, sitting down, shifting a pile of notes of his seat.

"Oh soon, I'll make you a lot more sorry," Lily said.

"Oh, what do you mean?" James said pleasantly, picking up her book. Lily snatched it back, and

shoved his chair backwards. James tumbled backwards and the chair hit the floor, James clinging

to the sides, his legs in the air. Papers were thrown to the floor as he waved his airs round

like a helicopter, before he smashed into the floor.

"Ow, Evans, that hur-."

"JAMES, YOU IDIOT!" Lily shouted. "Look what you've done!"

"Er, what have I done?" James asked, rubbing his bum.

"MY PAPERS!" Lily screeched. "All over the floor! WHY did you have to drag them to the floor

anyway, Potter?"

"Er, sorry," James said, putting his feet down all over the pages of a book.

"Sorry?" Lily snapped. "Ooh, you may be sorry James Potter, but you expect me to pick up all this

stuff, right?"

"Oh, no, of coarse not," James said quickly. "Look, I'm picking them up and everything."

James picked up a sheet of paper, waved it around so Lily could definitely see, and dumped it in

the middle of the desk.

"They were in alphabetical order, Potter, you know," Lily added.

"Oh really?" James said, grinning widely. "That's amazing, Evans, you're so organized and tidy,

and so brilliant at putting things away..."

"I assume you actually know the alphabet?" Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, YES!" James said eagerly. "It's A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, O MAL O PEE, Q, R, S,

T-."

"Once you've got a dictionary and worked out the alphabet," Lily said. "You can sort all the

papers into subject and alphabetic order, and sort the books by subject and author."

"Well, I could," James said. "But as your so brilliantly tidy, it makes more sense for-."

"And then you will find all my uncompleted papers and put them in the center of the desk, with

the ones at the front being the ones that are due back first."

"I will?" James squeaked. "Lily- you can't really think- look, don't by stupid- don't make me hex

you."

Lily took half a step forward, and cupped his face in her hands.

"Please, James..." Lily whispered. "Homework and stuff... it means a lot to me you know, and I'd

really, really appreciate it if you helped me... please."

"Oh YES!" James agreed.

"You will?" Lily said briskly.

"Well, actually I meant 'yes' you were actually flirting with me and you called me 'James'!

but... oh yeah, yeah, I think I will, Evans- Lily."

###

"She's going to ask me out when I get back!" James sang under his breath. "I really think she

is... She's going to ask me-"

"What are you doing?" Sirius said, strolling up to him. "Are you tidying Evans' desk?"

"Well, not really," James said quickly. "Evans' is, well, going to ask me out when she gets

back."

"And why don't I believe that, Prongs?" Sirius said, cocking his head to one side.

"She was flirting with me, Padfoot!" James said excitedly. "She really was!"

"Now, normally," Sirius said. "I completely approve of your obsession with Evans. It's very

useful in pranks and makes excellent blackmail, as well as being extreemly funny. But when you

start tidying her desk in the hope she'll be greatful... seriously, Prongs."

"OY!" James said, staring at a book with an writing on it and wondering whether it should go at

the top or the bottom. Probably the bottom, that way Evans wopuldn't see it. "Anyway, how's it

going with Reese, ey?"

"James, we are dating, we are together, so shut up," Sirius said.

"Ooh, touchy," James laughed. "But are you together- together yet?"

"That, Prongs, is none of your buiness," Sirius said.

"Well, normally, you're you boast about all the girls you've shagged so why's Reese-."

"Prongs, one more word, and I shall pour ink all over Evans' desk."

"WHAT?" James yelped. "She'd murder me!"

"Yeah, that would be funny," Sirius said.

###

"Um... Lily," James said.

"Oh, what?" Lily asked bordly.

"Well, I tidied your desk," James said slowly. "And I wondered if-."

"Oh, right, good," Lily said. "Well, bye then."

"But Evans!" James howled. "Weren't you- don't you? Do you want to go out with me?"

"Yeah, I'd love to," Lily said sarcastically. "No, I don't loser."

"Oh," James said, deflating. "Well, I suppose I better tell you... Sirius poured ink over-."

"WHAT?" Lily said, swinging round to face him, so the hex hit him sharply in the chest. "I HATE

YOU, POTTER!"

James hid his head in his hands, and Sirius laughed, but seeing Lily's expression decided to

flee.

"It wasn't me, Evans!" James shouted. "I wish to hell-."

"Petrificus Totalus!" Lily shouted, swinging round, and James fell to the floor, like a board.

"Arragant Git," she muttered, as Lily walked away.


End file.
